Bizarre Celebration Day Entry for March 28 March 26, 2015 22:59

March 28, according to our friends at, is National Weed Appreciation Day. Moving beyond the first and most obvious question ("who makes this stuff up?"), we are left to ponder what, exactly, one should appreciate about a weed. Here's is our best guess:

  1. If it weren't for the weed, you would have a bare patch of dirt, which can lead to ugly things like mud, ant nests and unsettling comments about bald spots and receding hair lines.
  2. As a plant, it is a consumer of greenhouse gases and exhaler of oxygen. Ergo, grow a weed, save the planet.
  3. The particularly nasty, spikey varieties can serve as a home defense barrier against very short and barefoot burglars.
  4. Certain varieties (such as dandelions) can provide a few moments of entertainment to children as they scatter the seeds with a strong blow. This teaches the children patience, because in a few months all those seeds will come back and offer thousands more opportunities for entertainment.
  5. Filling your yard with weeds is a good way to meet the landscape committee of your Homeowners Association. Weeds enrich your social life.
  6. Weed can be relaxing, mellowing and induce an appetite commonly known as "the munchies." Oops - sorry - wrong weed.

We suspect, however, that the real reason for Weed Appreciation Day is to give someone an excuse to avoid weeding the garden on that day. March 28th is a Saturday, youmight notice. So when someone 'invites' you to go pull the damn weeds in the flower bed, just let them know that it's National Weed Appreciation Day, and it's against the law in several states and the District of Columbia to damage or destroy a weed on March 28th.

We don't think it will work either, but it's worth a shot.