Bitch Aluminium Geekery Cuff Jewelry

$20.00

We have all had those times when everyone around us - friends, co-workers, students, store clerks - you name it - would be much better off if they just stayed the hell out of our way.

What causes that? What makes a petite little five-foot-nothing piece of fluff instantly sprout fangs and claws? How can a normally couldn't-hurt-a-fly sweetheart suddenly transform into someone who would gladly rip your lungs out, just for the fun of it? How is it possible that you can be overcome by an urge to put an emotional knife between the 4th and 5th rib of your BFF?

Our doctors try to tell us it's something called "hormones." Of course most of our doctors are men who were born clueless and got stupider over time.

Our psychologist tries to tell us it's caused by unresolved angst. Really. Step a little closer, Dr. Freud, and I'll resolve YOUR angst by shoving that cigar right down your neck.

Our friends tell us it's just "that time." Which makes us want to 'time' how long it takes us to clobber them with whatever blunt object is handy.

No, it's not hormones, angst or cramps. It's much more elemental than that. It's a combination of bismuth, technetium and hydrogen. A compound so volatile, so dangerous, and so explosive than only a woman can be trusted with it.

We're so glad that we've finally discovered the cause of the ailment, that we've begun to refer to those particular events as "bismuth moments." Everybody knows what we mean. Those that don't we chuck over a cliff.

In celebration of our discovery, we've created the bismuth technetium hydrogen bracelet. If you're up to speed on your Period Table of Elements symbols, you know those 3 elements spell "Bi Tc h."